Classic joke thread...

[billt]

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, a major ice cream company has introduced a new flavor: “Barocky Road.”

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $92.85 per scoop...so out of a hundred dollar bill you are at least promised some CHANGE..!

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.

You are left with an almost empty wallet, staring at an empty cone and wondering what just happened. Then you realize this is what "redistribution of wealth" is all about.

Aren't you just stimulated?

[santahog]

From the "Turn of the television" file...
 A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon.
During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection,
a little boy raised his hand........
The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.

[Solus]

   

I've always wondered how excited the marketing folks must must be over being "required" to make that disclaimer.

Sort of like saying:  Warning!  The use of this product may cause  your wildest dreams to come true.

[Big Frank]

Believe it or not the first four letters of the generic name for Cialis is TADA!!! No joke. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tadalafil

[tombogan03884]

6,000 years of civilization and and learning and their highest achievement are sexting and a drug to keep your dick hard .
Meanwhile we still can't cure the common cold.
What a sad commentary on humanity.
F*ck peak oil, I believe in peak evolution.

[Sponsor]

[Timothy]

I tried that Viagra stuff..

Got stuck in my throat...gave me a stiff neck for a week!

[Big Frank]

I only take a half a Viagra so my dick sticks out far enough that I don't pee on my feet. 

[tombogan03884]

Frank must have bought new boots.  :-)

[tt11758]

 

I've always wondered how excited the marketing folks must must be over being "required" to make that disclaimer.

Sort of like saying:  Warning!  The use of this product may cause  your wildest dreams to come true.

If you have an erection that lasts more than four hours, call your doctor.  And thank him.

[tt11758]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."