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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364404 times)

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2550 on: December 04, 2009, 01:06:14 PM »
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse were ever in a stripper's butt crack?  

If not, you're wondering now.


Have a nice day...   ;D



Always remember to wash your hands after handling money!


That's my public service announcement for the day.  


Thank you very much!
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

david86440

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2551 on: December 04, 2009, 06:39:01 PM »
Quote from: tt11758 on December 03, 2009, 05:35:19 PM
This at home and he's screwing around?!?


Can anybody say WTF?!?


This isn't Tiger's wife. Wrong Elin Woods.

But this is..............
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MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2552 on: December 04, 2009, 06:43:03 PM »
Quote from: david86440 on December 04, 2009, 06:39:01 PM
This isn't Tiger's wife. Wrong Elin Woods.

But this is..............

Maybe so, but not much different  :P
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MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2553 on: December 04, 2009, 07:03:07 PM »
Dear Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken away my favorite dancer Michael Jackson, my favorite actor Patrick Swayze and my favorite singer Stephen Gately and my favorite actress Farah Fawcett.

Just so you know, my favorite politicians are Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi

Regards

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If I appear taller than other men it is because I am standing on the shoulders of others.

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2554 on: December 04, 2009, 07:03:55 PM »
Quote from: m58 on December 04, 2009, 06:43:03 PM
Maybe so, but not much different  :P

Yeah.... 'specially after a few rounds of beer.    ;D
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2555 on: Today at 05:33:21 PM »
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philw

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2555 on: December 04, 2009, 11:39:54 PM »
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE' He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are
going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my
back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet
and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?


The wife replied, 'The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess.'
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tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2556 on: December 05, 2009, 01:06:26 AM »
 Yes Phil , while your being the "man of Your house" just remember, she knows where the knives are and she knows where you sleep.   ;D
That's a big part of why I don't mind being single, I AM the Man of MY house AND I can close both eyes when I sleep  ;D
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Johnny Bravo

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2557 on: December 05, 2009, 10:51:50 AM »
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy,
the wars, global warming, my savings, Social Security, my credit card debt.....
I called Lifeline. 


Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan   
I told them I was suicidal
They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck..... ;D
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tt11758

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2558 on: December 05, 2009, 12:30:09 PM »
Quote from: philw on December 04, 2009, 11:39:54 PM
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE' He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are
going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my
back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet
and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?


The wife replied, 'The fuckin' funeral director m58 would be my first guess.'


;D
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tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2559 on: December 05, 2009, 11:01:00 PM »
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
> While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.  The devil
> tells them it is for calling back to Earth.  Putin asks to call Russia and
> talks for 5 minutes.  When he was finished the devil informs him that the
> cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
>
> Next Queen Elizabeth call England and talks for 30 minutes.  When she was
> finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen
> Elizabeth wrote him a check.  Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks
> for 4 hours.  When he was finished the devil informed him that there would
> be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.
>
> When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to
> call the USA free.  The devil replied, since Obama became president of the
> USA , the country has gone to hell, so naturally it's a local call.
>
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