Classic joke thread...

[wisconsin]

This is the place I'm going to keep coming too so I can learn how to laugh again. Great!!! Keep them coming.

[Teresa Heilevang]

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
 
About then an old Grandpa walked by, and one of the old Grandma's yelled out saying,
 "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."
 
The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."
 
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age."
 
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
 
The Grandmas then asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"
 
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"
 
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three old ladies happily cackled and yelled in unison --
 "We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

[tombogan03884]

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
 
About then an old Grandpa walked by, and one of the old Grandma's yelled out saying,
 "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."
 
The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."
 
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age."
 
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
 
The Grandmas then asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"
 
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"
 
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three old ladies happily cackled and yelled in unison --
 "We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

Bet they made soup for MacBeth 

[Dakotaranger]

Bet they made soup for MacBeth 

Now you're just trying to bubble up some trouble aren't you.

[tombogan03884]

   

Bet they made soup for MacBeth 

Now you're just trying to bubble up some trouble aren't you.

Who, ME ?   

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

Sighhhhhhhhhhhh~~my god... would you listen to this drivel??
 Here we go again with the... "Who me?? and the Not me ! ... 
Like ...ahhhh.. everyone knows the ones in here that stir up trouble ..
So I have to call 

I mean.. come on~~ Let's be honest here...........................

I~~"little ole'silly filled with fluff head' me is really the only one in this entire place who is honestly and truly an innocent..
yep yep yep~~

[Teresa Heilevang]

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."Poof ! . . . God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 4 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:"God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."Poof ! . . . God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about 2 hours  after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:"God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river."Poof ! . . . He was turned into a woman.
She checked the map, hiked a hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

[Bill Stryker]

The Fortune Teller...

After escaping from her overly controlling campaign manager for the evening, Hillary Clinton sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year just after you lose the election.' Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Hillary, who was visibly shaken at this news. Hillary stared back at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She looked back, deep into the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her the big question: "Will I be acquitted?"

__._,_.___

[MikeBjerum]

Early on morning Lena woke to find Ole dead in bed.  She was devastated, but not nearly as much as Ole's life-long friend Sven.  That night Sven knelt down to pray and asked God to send him a sign that Ole was fine and in a happy place.

That night in his sleep Sven saw Ole in a dream.  Ole was sitting in a comfortable chair with a beer keg at his feet and a young, bikini clad, beautiful, sexy blond on each knee.

With excitement Sven ran forward to greet his old friend.

Ole quickly replied - Sven ... this isn't what it appears ... theres a hole in the keg and none in either of them.

[howlrwy]

These two kids were talking and making up stories.

"My father can run 1000 miles in one day."

"Oh yeah? When my father raises up his hands he can reach the sky."

"Oh yeah? When your father raises his hands into the clouds, does he feel something soft up there?"

"Yeah," he said, "he does."

"Well, those are my father balls."