Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1357166 times)

Marshal Halloway

  • Forum Administrator
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1293
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 28
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #330 on: March 21, 2008, 10:34:40 AM »
DATING RITUALS

WHITE  WOMEN
 
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
 Second date: You get to  grope all over and make out.
 Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
 
 
IRISH  WOMEN
 
First  Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
 Second  Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th  Anniversary:  You both get blind drunk and have sex.
 
 
ITALIAN   WOMEN
 
First  Date: You take her  to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second   Date: You  meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and  insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary:  You find yourself a girlfriend.
 
 
 
 JEWISH WOMEN
 
First Date: You get  dynamite head.
 Second Date: You get more  great head.
 Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
 
 
 
CHINESE WOMEN
 
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't  even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.
 
 
 
INDIAN WOMEN
 
First date: Meet her parents.
 Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding  night.
 
 
 
BLACK  WOMEN
 
1st Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
2nd Date: You get to  buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
3rd Date: You get to  pay her rent.
10th Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
 
 
 
MEXICAN  WOMEN
 
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of  her car.
 Second Date: She's  pregnant.
Third  Date: She moves in.  One week later ~ her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their  kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move  in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your  home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.
 

The POINT?
 

DON'T  YOU JUST LOVE IRISH  WOMEN?
;)

Teresa Heilevang

  • The "Other Halloway"
  • Global Moderator
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3639
  • Don't make me call the flying monkeys! DRTV Ranger
    • The Perfect Touch
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #331 on: March 21, 2008, 10:50:14 AM »
Ya know Marshal?? sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
 You are starting out your weekend walking on very very thin ice.. >:(
"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

Hazcat

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10457
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #332 on: March 21, 2008, 10:53:29 AM »
Ya know Marshal?? sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
 You are starting out your weekend walking on very very thin ice.. >:(

Maybe but the water is starting to warm up!
All tipoes and misspelings are copi-righted.  Pleeze do not reuse without ritten persimmons  :D

Bill Stryker

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 727
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #333 on: March 21, 2008, 10:59:56 AM »
Marshal,

Where is the paragraph about Norwegian / Scandinavian girls?  ;D

Teresa Heilevang

  • The "Other Halloway"
  • Global Moderator
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3639
  • Don't make me call the flying monkeys! DRTV Ranger
    • The Perfect Touch
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #334 on: March 21, 2008, 11:59:30 AM »
A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit.
Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

 So, he asks the man his name." Fred" he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred" the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
 The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

 The officer let him go without even a warning.  ;D


"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

Sponsor

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #335 on: Today at 04:10:16 AM »

tombogan03884

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #335 on: March 21, 2008, 01:14:21 PM »
Ya know Marshal?? sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
 You are starting out your weekend walking on very very thin ice.. >:(


Hey Haz, aren't you glad YOU didn't post that joke, I know I am .            ;D

Hazcat

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10457
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #336 on: March 21, 2008, 01:17:18 PM »

Hey Haz, aren't you glad YOU didn't post that joke, I know I am .                    ;D

Shhh I'm trying to lay low own this one.
All tipoes and misspelings are copi-righted.  Pleeze do not reuse without ritten persimmons  :D

MikeBjerum

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10815
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 853
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #337 on: March 21, 2008, 03:38:13 PM »
Blame this one on the "Warden's" warning on the other thread (  NO, "Hey Dudes.. hold my beer and watch this"  target practicing after dark):

How do you tell the difference between a California driver and a Minnesota driver?

When a Californian slips and slides on the ice they scream and pee their pants.

When a Minnesotan slips and slides they say "Here ... hold my beer and watch this!"

Sorry, but it is much more fun when your sliding through the ditch.
If I appear taller than other men it is because I am standing on the shoulders of others.

tombogan03884

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #338 on: March 21, 2008, 04:20:42 PM »
Blame this one on the "Warden's" warning on the other thread (  NO, "Hey Dudes.. hold my beer and watch this"  target practicing after dark):

How do you tell the difference between a California driver and a Minnesota driver?

When a Californian slips and slides on the ice they scream and pee their pants.

When a Minnesotan slips and slides they say "Here ... hold my beer and watch this!"

Sorry, but it is much more fun when your sliding through the ditch.

In NH we do that in mall parking lots   ;D

Pathfinder

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6424
  • DRTV Ranger -- NRA Life Member
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 81
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #339 on: March 21, 2008, 06:13:48 PM »
Ya know Marshal?? sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
 You are starting out your weekend walking on very very thin ice.. >:(

Whatsa matter, M'ette, you ain't Irish??   ;D ;D ;D ;D
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do this to others and I require the same from them"

J.B. Books

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk