Classic joke thread...

[Big Frank]

Bush at a bar.

President Bush, decides to leave the Ranch and go out to sit in a local Crawford bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, ''Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?''

The bartender  says, ''Yep, that's him.''

So the guy walks over and says, ''Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?''

Bush says, ''I'm planning WW III.''

The guy says, ''Really? What's going to happen?''

Bush says, ''Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, ''A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?''
 
Bush turns to the bartender and says,

''See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims."   
 

Cheers!

[tt11758]

Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says; "I love you."
 
She asks; "Is that you or the beer talking?"
 
He replies; "It's me ............. talking to the beer."

And he's SINGLE, ladies and gentlemen!!!     

[Pathfinder]

And he's SINGLE, ladies and gentlemen!!!     

And damned lucky to be alive!!!!! 

[tombogan03884]

  Being married helped make me what I am today 

[Teresa Heilevang]

How I learned to mind my own business...
 
 
 
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
 
And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'
 
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
 
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on....
 
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick
 
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14.'

[Sponsor]

[tombogan03884]

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

'I'm on the 7th hole,' she replied, 'and you are a hole behind me.  So you must be on the 6th hole.'

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

'I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.'

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

 

 

 


He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.

The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and  said, 'Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help.
 
I understand that you're in the sales profession.  I'm in sales also.  What do you sell?'

'I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh,' she replied.

'No, I won't.'

'Well, if you must know,' she answered, 'I work for Tampax.'

With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool.

'See,' she said. 'I knew you'd laugh!'

'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied, 'I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.'

 

[red364]

That was a good one Mr. Bogan!

[tt11758]

  Being married helped make me what I am today 

Divorced? 

[Big Frank]

Divorced? 

Yes, and bitter if he's anything like me. 

[kmitch200]

Yes, and bitter if he's anything like me. 

I was bitter about my last divorce and the tens of thousands it cost me.......until I realized that it was worth DOUBLE that to be rid of her!