Classic joke thread...

[Bill Stryker]

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on
his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The
insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a
nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show
him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?' So then the rancher leaves
for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on
the front door. Amy takes him down to the bar n. They walk along the row
of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the
one...right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another
ditzy blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how di d you know this is the
cow to be bred?'

'That's simple. By the nail over its stall.' Amy explains very
confidently.

Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says,


'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

[ericire12]

You will all get a kick out of this ........
the $2 Bill.
Everyone should start carrying them! I think we need to quit
saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. We could have a lot of fun! The
younger generation doesn't know they exist.

Thats all they use at strip clubs now. If you get change at the bar or whenever your buy a drink or something, they give you $2 bills instead of ones. I guess some stripper who was "putting herself through business school" figured out that you double your tips if everyone in the club has $2 bills instead of $1 bills.

[tombogan03884]

Don't laugh, it's true   was sitting beside the cash register last Fall, This was a women in her 30's, Had never seen one before. Some one tried to pay her with 2 of them, The manager and I both assured her they were real and then bought them from her 

[Teresa Heilevang]

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge
 in Bozeman, Montana, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an
 American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a cowboy on
 his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a
 fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University
 from the Middle East.
 
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.
 Soon, the two westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim
 and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
 
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At
 one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."
 
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people
 were few ," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
 
The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and
 from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl. "That's
 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's
 a-comin'."

[Teresa Heilevang]

Thats all they use at strip clubs now.

Guess you just told on yourself there..

[Sponsor]

[Outlaw]

[Outlaw]

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled
the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He
gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from  the bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with
greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with
both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table
were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it
heaven?

Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it
that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he
threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made
its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked
with a spatula by his wife. 

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

[Pathfinder]

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled
the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He
gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from  the bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with
greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with
both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table
were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it
heaven?

Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it
that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he
threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made
its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked
with a spatula by his wife. 

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

Hey, that's the white bread version of my Lena and Ole joke. Still funny!

[Teresa Heilevang]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St.Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.  I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.  So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.  I yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!'"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Couple of minutes ago."

[Teresa Heilevang]

Morale Boosters at the work place.!