Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1371971 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5870 on: April 19, 2024, 07:03:05 PM »
I was playing a word game on my cell phone when I realized the words ELBOW and BOWEL are spelled with the same exact 5 letters, but rarely do the 2 body parts cross paths. As it should be! :o
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5871 on: April 21, 2024, 12:52:05 AM »
I was just getting ready to eat and watch TV online when it suddenly occurred to me that Amazon Prime sounds like the name of a Transformer robot. One of the highest rank (the Primes). So I made this up.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5872 on: April 21, 2024, 02:26:26 AM »
How about Ammozon Prime, leader of the Ammobots? I searched online and someone actually made toy robots called Ammobots, so I don't have to make one from a picture of a cartridge or anything. Number 00 must be the leader since it was built first, and it's a different color than the rest.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5873 on: April 21, 2024, 06:10:39 PM »
I got this text today from the police who are looking for this guy. It says to call 911 if you see him, but if I see him, I'm calling the circus. One of their clowns is missing.

And I thought my parents dressed me funny.  :-[

P.S. I just checked my email and got this message at4:56 pm, so it's serious -- The Burton Police are looking for an endangered 14-year-old male missing from the Twin Meadows Mobile Home Park in the area of Fenton and Bristol roads.  He is a white male with dark hair and blonde highlights and is wearing a purple shirt and camo pants with an orange stripe.  If you see him do not approach him and call 9 1 1 .

But he's still sounds funny looking.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5874 on: April 22, 2024, 03:57:30 PM »
To answer the age-old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?", it seems quite obvious, the rooster came first.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5875 on: Today at 08:57:12 PM »

alfsauve

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5875 on: April 22, 2024, 05:15:42 PM »
Told my postman that the package he just delivered was damp.  He said it was because of postage dew.
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MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5876 on: April 22, 2024, 06:34:39 PM »
Told my postman that the package he just delivered was damp.  He said it was because of postage dew.

We need a groan button.
If I appear taller than other men it is because I am standing on the shoulders of others.

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5877 on: April 22, 2024, 10:25:47 PM »
I started  over and remade the picture of Amazon Prime with his mouth up where it should be, and colored pure yellow instead of the original orange. And I reworked the Z in amazon after I took the smile off it. Some people think I have way too much time on my hands. The truth is, I don't. I just don't spend it well.

In the Transformer movies, why do ancient aliens from another universe look like modern automobiles on Earth? And with a name like Decepticons, would anyone believe anything the other guys tell them? I'd be like, I don't know if I can trust this sentient alien robot. :D  I just put a Decepticon badge over the Autobot badge on its grill. Amazon Prime, leader of the Decepticons. That sounds fitting to me.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5878 on: April 26, 2024, 12:00:25 AM »
I'm drinking a Tequila  Paloma right now, and when I drank one yesterday I thought about Escape by Rupert Holmes. In the chorus when he sings, "If you like piña coladas" I thought it would be easy to substitute a different drink like a Tequila Paloma. It turns out he wasn't planning on singing about piña coladas, and never even had one, but that's another story.

You like Tequila  Palomas?
And you hate when it rains
And you're not into yoga
But you are into pain

Of course I had to change a few other things. :)  I'm not posting this in music suggestions because I'm not actually suggesting anyone listen to this song AGAIN, but if you do, keep Tequila Palomas in mind. :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGAeI5KODLA
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Majer

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5879 on: April 27, 2024, 04:47:05 PM »
"If violent crime is to be curbed, it is only the intended victim who can do it. The felon does not fear the police, and he fears neither judge nor jury. Therefore what he must be taught to fear is his victim." - Jeff Cooper
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Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage. Where are we now??????

 

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