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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1404141 times)

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5890 on: May 08, 2024, 11:41:31 AM »
Quote from: Rastus on May 07, 2024, 05:47:01 PM
I wish he had just knocked in the head and drug him out by his heels. 

Phuck Hamas & Palestine.  By the way, Hamas is amazed that Israel said Phuck Biden and is bombing the $hit out of Rafah.  And that dumbshit geriatric has people on his staff that want to bring more of that $hit over here in the form of refugees.

Even the Muslim countries  don't want them.   That should say everything  you need to know about that area
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5891 on: May 14, 2024, 06:15:06 PM »
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So, I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink, "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A preacher cured me for free. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new car.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a preacher cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed."
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5892 on: May 19, 2024, 11:22:04 PM »
Saturday evening we went to a nice steakhouse for dinner to celebrate Mother's Day. Following dinner we were waiting for Valet to bring our car when a Maserati pulled up. Vanity plates, and son-in-law and I are working the letters:

FIRJOEB

I imagine that if you can drive a $280K 2024 GRANTURISMO TROFEO AWD, the price of a vanity plate to express your political view isn't an issue.
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5893 on: May 20, 2024, 04:11:21 PM »
Today I was wearing my FJB sunglasses when I drove my SUV with 2 metal FJB auto badges on it to the Polaris dealer, towing my ATV that has 2 FJB stickers on it, one on each side. I let my opinion be known. One of the guys said he liked my sunglasses and asked where his were. I told him I didn't have any spare pairs. We all agreed Stumblin' Joe has got to go.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5894 on: May 20, 2024, 08:11:02 PM »
What did 1 saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?


If we don't get some support here soon people are going to think we are nuts.
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5895 on: Today at 06:52:31 AM »
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PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5895 on: May 21, 2024, 06:37:08 PM »
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5896 on: May 27, 2024, 12:51:10 PM »
An American Indian was ready to leave the blood drive site, when the nurse asked how he was doing. He told her he felt fine and asked if he could leave. She said sure, but I'm curious, are you full blooded Indian? He replied, he was. She said really, what percent? He told her about 90%. What is the other 10%, to which he replied mostly orange juice and cookies.
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5897 on: May 28, 2024, 02:06:00 AM »
Quote from: MikeBjerum on May 27, 2024, 12:51:10 PM
An American Indian was ready to leave the blood drive site, when the nurse asked how he was doing. He told her he felt fine and asked if he could leave. She said sure, but I'm curious, are you full blooded Indian? He replied, he was. She said really, what percent? He told her about 90%. What is the other 10%, to which he replied mostly orange juice and cookies.

I still prefer the way the Deutsches Rotes Kreuz, Croix Rouge Allemande, German Red Cross did it. They take out 1 pint of blood and replace it with 1.06 pints of German beer, give you a grilled bratwurst on a bun, and I even got a souvenir stein, which I'll be mailing to my old friend, Sarge this week. The Germans take some of that nasty old blood out of your alcohol system, and help you get it back to a normal balance. ;D  And you will feel it drinking just 1/2 liter of beer when you're a pint low. Especially when the local beers are up to 7.5% alcohol. One bottle of that has more alcohol than 2 12 ounce cans of 5% beer. They gave me juice and cookies when I gave blood at work in Grand Blanc, and it sucked. I felt very ill both times and never donated again. When someone remarks about how pale white you look, instead of your normal color, that's bad.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5898 on: May 29, 2024, 08:42:43 AM »
 :)
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5899 on: May 29, 2024, 09:51:06 PM »
I think it was last year I got an email from Bug-A-Salt with this picture in the ad. I reduced the number of colors from tens of thousands to 256, enlarged it, and saved it as a JPG. I think it turned out well.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher
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