Classic joke thread...

[MikeBjerum]

Handy to have around when you need a bottle of wine opened!!!!!

JMHO

Richard

[tombogan03884]

http://www.fuzzmartin.com/2007/11/15/freds-wine-opener/

The previous is in honor of TAB's latest Avatar 

Thanx, I needed that today 

[ellis4538]

m58, I didn't want to be too obvious!

Richard

[MikeBjerum]

m58, I didn't want to be too obvious!

Richard

Don't worry.  I've come to find that we are not only lacking in pc skills, but it is well known that M'ette has groomed a stellar group of perverts here 

[Pathfinder]

Weeeeeeeellllll, pop my cork!

Oh, I think she did.

 

[Sponsor]

[PegLeg45]

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, 'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!


Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts .
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more youthfully challenged.


You did notice the size of the print?

[Hazcat]

You did notice the size of the print?

Yes, thank you! 

[PegLeg45]

Funny that it was you that noticed first...........

[MikeBjerum]

[MikeBjerum]

Bubba Had Shingles.

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!

Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:


Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. 

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?' Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck.  Where do you want me to unload 'em??'