Classic joke thread...

[philw]

Animals that are better than you



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBj4Ny19vfQ

[philw]

the sad thing this is a true story

[MikeBjerum]

Ooh, a number 8. 

And not in a gooooooood way 

[Pathfinder]

Ooh, a number 8. 

And not in a gooooooood way 

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

[Kid Shelleen]

the sad thing this is a true story

Phil that is really funny, but............that has got to be a joke.

A true story? Bars chocked full of wankers? Say it isn't so. 

Regards,

Kid

[Sponsor]

[Big Frank]

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Read yesterday's NINE WORDS WOMEN USE.
Number 8, Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

[Hazcat]

Read yesterday's NINE WORDS WOMEN USE.
Number 8, Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

And we all know what a pu$$y Jumbo is!






(I HAD to take the opening, dude! )

[Pathfinder]

Read yesterday's NINE WORDS WOMEN USE.
Number 8, Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

OK, so when did we start talking in code?   Huh? There isn't even a note on the fridge in the corner. Come on guys, guy rules here!!

Jeesh! 

I have got to get back to work to get my brain restarted . . . .

[tombogan03884]

BALANCE

    God  was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

     

    He  inquired, "Where have you been?"

     

    God  smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

     

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said. "What is it?"

     

    "It's  a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it  Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

     

    "Balance?"  inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

     

    God  explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while  Southern   Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all  things."

     

    God  continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely  hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

     

    The    Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and  said, "What's that one?"

     

    "That's    Washington  State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The  people from  Washington  State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They  will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software."

     

    Michael  gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

     

    God  smiled, "There's another  Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

     

[Bill Stryker]

This is something to think about when negative people

are doing their best to rain on your parade ... so remember this story the next

time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.


A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her
husband.  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: 

"Rome?

Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" 

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." 


"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You, and a million other people trying to see him.  He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.   And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." 

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. 
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand!  I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really!  What'd he say?" 


He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"