Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1160282 times)

ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5290 on: May 12, 2020, 10:05:06 am »
My doc wouldn't give me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a brand new Flagpole on a condemned building.

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5291 on: May 12, 2020, 11:46:16 am »
Did you tell him you just wanted to protect your new boots ?    ;D
I'm the NRA, and I ain't giving up squat.

ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5292 on: May 12, 2020, 01:11:27 pm »
Did you tell him you just wanted to protect your new boots ?    ;D
No. Just told him I needed something to hang my towel on in the bathroom.

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5293 on: May 12, 2020, 06:04:02 pm »
Just one word
I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5294 on: May 12, 2020, 06:15:53 pm »
Best $5 ever spent
I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5295 on: Today at 06:24:48 pm »

pigpen51

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5295 on: May 13, 2020, 08:06:27 pm »
I would love to post here, but I worked in a foundry for over 35 years.  Any joke that I could put here, would be both offensive, and hurtful to more than two protected classes and most religions.  In fact, I can't even drink alcohol, in case I get drunk and start to think that I am funny, and tell a joke.  The last time that happened, the police, two nuns, and the members of the local AA meeting were all called to take me away. 
What is the worst thing, is that you would all laugh at the jokes. 

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5296 on: May 13, 2020, 09:43:51 pm »
Good heavens, Please don't offend our tender sense of morally outragous social justice .   
I'm the NRA, and I ain't giving up squat.

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5297 on: May 13, 2020, 09:52:41 pm »
I would love to post here, but I worked in a foundry for over 35 years.  Any joke that I could put here, would be both offensive, and hurtful to more than two protected classes and most religions.  In fact, I can't even drink alcohol, in case I get drunk and start to think that I am funny, and tell a joke.  The last time that happened, the police, two nuns, and the members of the local AA meeting were all called to take me away. 
What is the worst thing, is that you would all laugh at the jokes.
  i didnt know there where jokes that were funny that disnt do that.
I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5298 on: June 12, 2020, 05:56:13 pm »
My doc wouldn't give me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a brand new Flagpole on a condemned building.

My uncle stuck a Viagra in his ear and was hard of hearing the rest of his life. He didn't want to hear anything my aunt said anyway.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5299 on: June 12, 2020, 06:19:39 pm »
I learned a couple of things yesterday.

1. A 0.045" thick cutting wheel, the really thin kind, spinning at 12,500 RPM on an angle grinder, not only cuts though solid steel, it cuts through human flesh. My new neighbors probably heard me yell, "F**k!" before I started grinding again. I got it just behind the web of my left hand. There was surprisingly little blood, but it still stings a little when I wash my hands. I didn't cut myself very deep because it's a sensation that instantly tells your brain to stop doing that.

2. A hot cup of coffee will wake you up, and it doesn't even need to have caffeine in it. Anyone who doesn't think so hasn't spilled a cup of hot coffee in their lap. Actually I already knew that from prior experience, but was reminded again yesterday.

3. Not yesterday. but today, I was once again reminded of something else I already knew. You have to wait a much shorter time for a timer to go off if you remember to set it and press the start button. You have to do both of those things and I did neither, until after I sat here wondering why it was taking so long.

4. I haven't done this one personally, but thought it was good advice that bears repeating. Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

 

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